Why keep a notebook

I decided to do the unthinkable this weekend and unpack some old notebooks from dusty boxes in the family’s disorganized library. Some dated back to my freshmen year and contained notes about how to not get lost around campus. For some reason, I went to my advisor three times in September and checked out over 20 books on acting in October. I was obviously a nerd, I constantly raided the library for good books or old out-dated books. I also kept writing notes to myself about reading this partiular (READ: boring) book for my cultural anthropology class on the way to university. I never had the chance or will to finish it, but at least I tried. Everything seems like a lifetime away, but the notebook dates back to 2006.
I also managed to find old pocket-calendars. I spent much of my university years meeting professors, going to auditions and rehearsals and going to meetings. I was active in extra-curricular activities, hence, the need for 10 notebooks per semester to help keep me organized.
I also found my student-reporter notebook. I became a reporter for the student newspaper in Fall 2006. I walked around with this notebook (and another one, yet to be located) for about a year and a half. In the beginning, I used to use random pieces of paper, but my bag was already littered with scrappy pieces of paper. I decided to try being tidy and note things down on a notebook and it worked. I interviewed the facilities and services department about fire alarms (they kept going off for some reasons) on 2/11/2006. The interview obviously didn’t go very well, I didn’t write much down. I do remember the unbearable heat that day; maybe it just made me too lazy to write things down.
Towards the end of the notebook, I have pages and pages of notes on healthy living. I don’t recall reading them after writing them down. I do remember the amazing creamy (expensive) ice cream I was obsessed with in my sophomore year.
One note written by a friend warmed my heart. The person asked for money to get home. My reply was “sure” in bold. We were all poor students, but you we always helped each other out.
In December 2006, I wrote down “ I can’t wait to get home and watch tv”. I wonder if I had time to watch tv in December. Didn’t I have a paper to write?
In 2007, my handwriting didn’t get any better. It is almost embarrassing, but then again, I was a student reporter and students were always too busy to take their sweet time giving me their opinion. It usually took 5 seconds for them to speak. I had to document what they said, consequently, without became w/o and senior became sen.
In 2008, I wrote down “ Dark Star Safari by Paul Theroux”. I stopped using this notebook and I probably forgot about this book. I purchased it in January 2010 to my surprise.
It was a great weekend. I really enjoyed going through a number of notebooks.
They represent memorabilia for me. I don’t have a lot of pictures, but I have notes and notebooks. Memories are written down. I have letters from friends, random notes sent during class, notes in bold reminding me to write, finish or edit papers, one-liners about how university is evil and a certain professor needs to be nicer.

Quote

Missing you could turn from pain to pleasure, if I knew you were missing me too. ~Author Unknown

Voices on Circumcision

Recalling a 60's experience

A.M.H was circumcised at the tender age of 9. She remembers the nitty-gritty details of this ordeal even though it has occurred over 40 years ago.
Her father, a highly-educated man was in a conference outside Sudan , he has repeatedly warned her mother and his mother, her grand-mother, of taking her to the cutter.
" My daughters will not be circumcised, this is backwards and oppressive, " stated her father, a US- educated Sudanese professional.
The women gathered, conspired and produced a detailed plan of taking her to the cutter while her father, her only savior, was away. The plan was successful and A.M.H was pampered that day and promised a lot of sweets and toys. She was excited, she didn't know what was in store for her.
Two women held her down with all their force and proceeded to cut a part of her body.
She remembers the blood gushing out of her , the overwhelming soreness, the inability to get up.
She wanted to get up and play, but she couldn't move an inch. She felt disabled and helpless.

When her father came back a few days later, he figured out that something was wrong. He asked her and she told him the truth. She shared her pain with him.

It was the 1960's and female circumcision was a widespread practice , hence, when her father announced his decision to divorce her mother for disobeying him, he was brushed off as insane.

The divorce never materialized, but female circumcision was the main cause of conflict between the young couple for the rest of their lives. It has changed their marriage as much as it changed the life of this 9 year old girl.

A.M.H is now a mother. When she married the father of her daughters in the early 80's, they jointly made a decision to not let their daughters undergo this painful procedure. Despite protests from close family members, they've rejected their pleads and ignored their heartfelt advices.

Where did it come from?

Female circumcision is the excision of any part of the female genitalia. A age-old tradition passed down from the Pharaohs , it's a popular practice in Egypt, Sudan, Somalia and Ethiopia. It's also practiced in certain communities in Iraq, Yemen, Burkina Faso and Kenya.

Until very recently, the Sudanese were known for practicing the most severe type of circumcision, pharaonic circumcision or infibulation, in which all of the external genitalia is removed. However, in recent years, the least severe type, clitoridectomy, also known as sunni circumcision, has been on the rise. Pharanoic circumcision causes serious health problems and complications during pregnancy and childbirth since the sutures are cut and after the baby is delivered, the woman is sewn up again or refibulated.

According to traditional beliefs, the purpose of FC is to reduce a woman's sexual desire to make sure that she remains a virgin until her marriage. It also aims at increasing the amount of sexual pleasure for the male partner.
However, some wholeheartedly believe that circumcision has roots in Islam.

Just a few days ago , M.S., a young Sudanese mother in her early 30's organized a circumcision ceremony for her 6 year old daughter in a country where FC is a crime punishable by imprisonment.

"I've conducted intensive research and based on this research, I believe that this practice is first and foremost an Islamic practice," stated M.S.

Despite attempts from family and friends to intervene, M.S. used a book by an unknown Egyptian sheikh as her sole reference.

Although FC predates Islam, some scholars believe that Islam had to tolerate the practice as it was already ingrained in the society. In a hadith, the Prophet (PBUH) stated that FC shouldn't be excessive and harmful to the woman in question.

In modern times, the Grand Mufti of Egypt, Prof Dr. Ali Goma'a announced during a meeting with ten scholars from all over the world that Muslims shouldn't practice this custom seeing that it is a crime against humanity.

Urban Atittudes

In an attempt to understand the relevance of FC to today's urban youth living in Khartoum and its twin cities, I was able to conduct an anonymous survey in which the participants were asked whether they are aware of the practice and whether they are familiar with circumcised girls and their opinion about the practice. Female participants were asked if they had undergone FC.

A.M, a 27 year old Sudanese man believes that we should distinguish between ordinary or sunna circumcision and pharaonic circumcision.
" Ordinary circumcision is common in most Islamic and gulf countries and it protects the female from herpes and infections in the long term," explains A.M.

A.A, a 24 year old Sudanese male agrees with A.M and adds that it's important not only from a medical point of view, but it also ensures hygiene.

M.G , a 25 year old Sudanese male student living in the United States believes that circumcision is a crime.

On the other hand, a young Sudanese woman working in the field of journalism stated that FC is "a traumatizing experience which can be likened to the horror of rape."

She added that FC is based on cultural beliefs regarding a woman's honor.

Other young Sudanese women interviewed used words such as damaging and painful to describe the practice.

From the results of my survey, I realized that Sudanese men are more aware of the different types of circumcision as opposed to Sudanese women who view FC as one barbaric practice and fail to see any variations.

What A Man Wants

In an article written by Meghan Sapp for Women-e-news, she recalls the story of a young Sudanese man, a son of a diplomat who has recently returned to Khartoum. He fell in love with a young lady and was getting ready to marry her.

He was hesitant about asking his young bride about FC so he asked her sister if she had undergone FC. The sister miscommunicated this question and the young woman panicked and before their wedding, she had the procedure performed.

The marriage didn't last, FC was one of the main reasons to blame.

Dr. Babikar Bedri, a prominent researcher in the field of female circumcision at Ahfad University believes that there are no studies tackling how young couples discuss this issue before marriage.

According to Dr. Bedri, contrary to the old days when grooms returned their uncircumcised wives, a study carried out at Khartoum University among male students found out that 75% would like to have an un-excised future wife.

As our perceptions about a woman's right to choice and female sexuality are changing at an alarming rate due to living in the digital age and the government's intervention , I can't help but wonder whether the desires of men to have an "un-circumsised" wife will play a significant role in decreasing the practice in the near future.

The Fatal Beauty of Tajooj

My artwork offers a glimpse into my world. I hope that it inspires your imagination and leaves you with a lasting impression. - Suzanne Hilal

Last Thursday, in a small cafe in Khartoum, the capital of Sudan, guests sipped lemon juice and lattes and listened to a number of young men perform modern love songs as Suzanne Hilal transported a sizable audience hundreds of years back to an isolated place in East Sudan through her collection of print works. Hilal, a Sudanese-English artist whose work spans a range of mediums including printmaking, pastels, and ink, is known for the way her works are inspired by Sudanese folktales and reflects the country's culture and history.

The name of the exhibition, The Fatal Beauty of Tajooj, is taken from a well-known and tragic love story. According to Sudanese grandmothers, Tajooj was the most beautiful girl in Sudan during their time. She was also the love interest of her cousin, who was known for attacking neighboring tribes. One version of Tajooj's story tells us that the cousin in question, Mohlaq, was forced to divorce Tajooj because she was expected to marry another man. Another telling of the legend says Mohlaq's uncle refused the marriage proposal to his daughter because Mohlaq publicly declared his love for Tajooj in a song, which was against the traditions of his tribe.

Wandering the desert for the rest of his life, Mohlaq was brokenhearted and lost. The beautiful Tajooj was attacked and killed by a group of bandits. A sword was plunged deep into her chest, we are told.

Hilal was first introduced to folktales as an undergraduate student working on a paper comparing Sudanese and Arab stories. During her research, she read five books of these stories from different regions and tribes, and stumbled upon the story of Tajooj in Ali Lutfi Abdallah's The Clever Sheikh of the Butana and Other Stories.

"Her beauty is taken from Tajooj" declares a popular Sudanese song. "You will see the beauty of Tajooj in her people," declares another song about Kassala, the closest city to the town Tajooj was from.

One day, between her artwork and studying law in Chicago, Hilal plans to write and illustrate her own love story. Based on her own multicultural heritage, the story will be set in Sudan, but will end like an English love : happily.

On Life

“I thought about life, about my life, the embarrassments, the little coincidences, the shadows of alarm clocks on bedside tables, I thought about my small victories and everything I’d seen destroyed. I’d swum through mink coats on my parents’ bed while they hosted downstairs, I’d lost the only person with whom I could have spent my only life, I’d left behind a thousand tonnes of marble from which I could have released sculptures, I could have released myself from the marble of myself, I’d experienced joy, but not nearly enough, could there be enough? The end of suffering does not justify the suffering…”
— Jonathan Safran Foer

Kataha (sand-storm)

NOTE

I was slapped across the face yesterday. The ever so surprising “kataha” or sandstorm slapped me as harshly as a wife-beater. I ran from my cousin’s car to my house hoping to get there before it hits me. It out-smarted me and as I was trying to open the door, it hit me with full-force.

I stood there, dumb-founded, wondering why this country is so evil. The next day as I was heading to work, it was so humid; I started thinking about shaving my hair.

Sudan’s weather is cruel, it’s like a mean high school bully ( you are beaten, humiliated and you go home hungry after you were forced to surrender your lunch)

Why am I ranting about the weather?

I just wanted to point out that this kind of weather stifles creativity. It suffocates your mind and your heart and pushes you towards stagnation.

Flavoured Lattes

As I venture into the real world, I continue to struggle to make sense of my surroundings. I’ve graduated almost a year ago, but I still feel lost.

University was my comfort-zone. My friends were like me; we had the same interests and hailed from the same background. I went to the prestigious American University in Cairo where everything and everyone was a walking advertisement of Gucci and Louis Vuitton. Porsches were parked in front of the main gate and we had flavored lattes on campus. My favorite flavor was “Irish Cream” and my second favorite was vanilla. Yes, I used to drink flavored latte and discuss Isabel Allende. I have to admit, I was a bit of a cliché. The spoiled kid, a pseudo-intellectual, excited about the prospects of getting a job, but too worried about managing her own finances.

On Thursday, I stayed on campus after my classes. Our auditorium was turned into a cinema hall and we had the chance to watch all the new movies from Hollywood for free.

Really.

You just had to show them your ID.

Armed with a number of witty comments, we would head to a café and discuss the movie over lattes.

Sometimes, our conversations shifted and we talked about the real world. In a few years, we would be graduates, getting our MA’s and getting real jobs. We talked about graduation; we claimed to be ready to graduate.

I graduated and it hit me.

University didn’t prepare me for the real world. I’m still shocked, dumb-founded. I still can’t wrap my head around the idea. Getting a job seems like a mystery.

Once upon a time, in the comfort of AUC, we were told we were special. Our parents paid large amounts of money for us to receive quality education. We speak good English and we have a number of extra-curricular activities to brag about. When we graduate, we will get a job in the blink of an eye. Oh how I miss university! The feeling of being unique, well-educated and privileged. The feeling that nothing is out of our reach. You just have to take a deep breath and reach for it.

As I sit at my desk in Khartoum two. I reminisce about flavored lattes and an overpriced twix tart. I can smell onions as I climb the stairs to my office ( Sudanese people ate the heaviest breakfast in the world at 1 pm) and I start thinking to myself: maybe this is how the real world smells, different, but at times, challenging.