Death ...always takes us by surprise

Last night, I received a strange message from a friend

"Hey reem, this is sara, Q asked me to check up on u he is really worried plz reply asap"

I replied telling her "I'm fine and tell Q , I'm gonna call him on skype later". Two minutes later, a guy called Amro calls me asking me the same thing. Q gave him my number to check up on me. I said I was fine and asked him to send me Q's number.

Q is a friend not living in Sudan. I texted Q telling him I was fine and why is he worried? was a common friend hurt?"

My sister and I assumed that he heard about the accident on the bridge next to my house. We basically had to reverse the car halfway through the bridge and take the other lane. But the accident on the bridge wasn't even fatal.

Half an hour ago, I get a phone call from the finance officer at work. I pick up and he tells me the bad news. My boss has passed away in a car crash on the way back to Khartoum. Another colleague is in the hospital.

I tell him, I get it now, my friend thought I was with them in the car.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. I just started this job a week ago and my boss gave me the secretary's office (she is on leave) so I'm right next to him if I need any help with work. I basically spend the whole day emailing him, calling him or in his office asking questions. He has been very helpful, introducing me to people and telling me to meet writers on my own to get used to work.

On Thursday, I asked my other colleague ( the one currently in the hospital) for a favor. So he drove me to the science building and helped me sign up for the bus so I don't have to drive or ask my sister to drive me to work everyday.

When I went back to my office. I was basically done with work, but spent a few minutes skyping a friend and sending my boss one final email. My boss came out of his office and asked me to close the door when I decide to leave. He said he is going out for a bit. I was probably the last person from work to see him.

It is true what they say, all events before a person's death are very normal. Thursday was a normal day. He told me to send all my emails to his gmail account because I'm bombarding his work email. It was normal. He told me to have a nice weekend and we will meet on Sunday.....

البقاء لله
May he rest in peace

RIP Levy Mwanawasa

Mwanawasa,59, the president of Zambia died last Tuesday in a hospital in Paris.

The world is going to remember him as a competent and responsible African leader, Zambians are going to remember him for his great economic policies and the nation-wide fight against corruption.
He encouraged investments to Zambia and he stood up against African tyrants like Mugabe.


Mwanawasa was only 59 ( Mugabe is 84 and Bashir is in his early 60's and they are healthy and wealthy.)

Professor Collins

I first met him last summer, the 29th of June to be exact. It was my second day in Santa Barbara, California and my first time in America.
It was about 2 o'clock and I rushed back to the hotel to meet him because I didn't want to be late.
When I emailed him a week before travelling, I didn't expect a reply. After all, he was a distinguished professor and a well-known author. To my surprise, he emailed me back and told me to write to him as soon as I arrive.
I did. He agreed to come to the Upham hotel, where I was staying at the time. He said he knows the place very well.

We talked about politics, the Sudan, the war, the referendum in 2011, the future of the country, my family, my studies, his life in the Sudan and his books.
He was my favorite author. A Sudan expert.
He was first introduced to Africa in the 50's through books. He went to Sudan a month after its independence, in 1956. For the next 52 years, Sudan became his interest. He wrote atleast 15 books on the Sudan alone, he met many intellectuals, leaders and liberation fighters and he is one of the few people in the world to have traveled in every part of the country ( including Sudanese and non-Sudanese).

He knows the country better than all of us combined.

I've emailed him a few times after I came back. A few days ago, I wanted to e-mail him about a couple of interesting articles I wanted him to read.

I forgot his e-mail so I looked at his page only to find the following announcement
"We are sad to report that Professor Robert Collins passed away suddenly on Friday, April 11, 2008. A full obituary will be available soon."

This can't be happening. We were supposed to meet again, right? I was supposed to write my phd under his supervision. He was supposed to live love enough to see Sudan at peace. He was supposed to celebrate with us.
He should've waited, 2011 is only 3 years from now. He wanted to know the future of South Sudan more than any other person.

Tribute to Natasja Saad

very very sad but kind-off old news:(
The half Danish/half Sudanese singer died in a car accident last June.

If only I understood Danish:)

Darfur: Who wants peace?

A rebel attack that killed at least 10 peacekeepers at an African Union army base in Sudan's Darfur region has sparked international condemnation.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7021429.stm

I wonder what Darfurians have to say about this " here we go again....the selfish idiots want to stop the peace at any cost.."

Parts of Kizzie's diary: Where are you dear cousins? Chapter 2

Aunt:- I heard from some people that there are still training camps in Sudan, they brainwash young men before recruiting them, they tell them to leave their families and homes n join the jihad(holy war)
Kizzie:- what? This is horrible! I thought we are out of the terrorism thing
Aunt:- no, it makes sense...it's a very logical explanation, he is not the only one 7abebti, many young man dissapeared around the same time.

I left feeling even more confused. It made sense but how could they do that?

May 2006
I came back from university and my mother is crying.
My first reaction is :- Who died?
Mother:- s's son is gone. He left 3 days ago and they can't find him anywhere
Kizzie:- mother, he is probably at a friends house. He is not gone forever ya3ni!
Mother:- No, just like A's son...they keep dissapearing
Kizzie:- oh
A's son left 4 years ago and never came back.

This cousin of mine was actually my mother's 1st cousin(his father and her mother were siblings) but because my grandmother was old and she was married quite young, my mother's cousins are my age, a bit older or even younger.
He was 19, a university sophomore and very reserved.
Unlike my other cousins, he usually didn't come to our(my other cousin is a singer so we had many parties!) and I didn't see him much to be honest. I think he liked isolating himself!

About a year ago, he became a bit too religious( there is nothing wrong with being religious!) but when he started putting rules and forcing his sisters to abide by them, it started getting out of control.
The rules included:-
1-No TV
2-Arguing with them about the way they dress etc...
The mosque became the place where he spent most of his time and not only that, he also started isolating himself from other people.

What did his family do about it?
You are probably thinking "his dad should've noticed and did something about it". He only hectored him about the way he started treating his sisters and told him to mind his own business but nobody took some serious action.
Why is he spending so much time at some places?
Why did he change?
What's wrong with him?

His mother died of cancer when he was about 12 and his father was getting married a few weeks after he disappeared. Mabye he felt distanced from the rest of his family, mabye he missed his mother because she was the only person who listened to him, mabye he was just frustrated with life and felt that even if he graduated- not only graduates in Sudan find jobs.

I'm a bit uncomfortable using the term disappeared with this cousin because he just walked out completely aware of what he is getting himself into. He was brainwashed ,lectured and prepared for this day, the day he left.

I'm not going to blame him because it's not his fault. He was probably too galluable or just happy he found a bunch of people who supposedly cared about him and listened to his frustrations.
Why couldn't he be close to other cousins or family members?
How come we didn't noticethat he alienated himself before it was too late?

Alot of questions, almost no answers.

I'm just really angry because he had a long life ahead of him, his creativity and his contribution to his country , to his family and to the entire world is lost and his family can'tforget him but they also can't forgive him.
I'm angry because young men like my cousin where easy targets. They were deceived . Their life isn't worth anything to the people who talked them into being martyrs.
Is this what god wanted him to do? - Leave his family and runaway to a world full of hatred and criminal activity.
He is gone and I personally don't believe he is ever going back.
It was shocking in the begining then it was sad, now, he is only a memory.
He could be dead or planning the death of someone.
He could be sitting somewhere in this world regretting his decision or he could be happy because he thinks he is doing the right thing.

I don't know.
I don't think I want to know.


Where are you dear cousins? Afghanistan? Sudan?Iraq?Pakistan?Egypt?

Parts of Kizzie's diary:- Where are you dear cousins?

July 2003-

3 days after my uncle's wedding.

We ae still celebrating and I still didn't wear half of the dresses I purchased for this wedding.

My mother walks in, she looks concerned and exhausted.

Mother:- He is gone, her son just disappeared. They can't find him anywhere.
Kizzie:- Who are you talking about? Who disappeared?
Mother:- you know my mother's cousin called today and she said her son just walked out and didn't come back...it's been 2 days. You know her..Her name is A, she is B's sister.
Kizzie:- ok...calm down..did I ever meet him? god mother! your family is sooo large, I have like 1 trillion cousins.
Mother:- They said they looked for him everywhere, his dad is still looking but they can't find him....dress up, we are going to her place right now
Kizzie:- mother, they just can't look for him everywhere, they should tell the police..I know they are useless but you never know. Did they contact his friends?
Mother:- they did, I have a feeling there is a story behind this....dress up..

We visit his family... his mother looks 60(she was in her early 40's) and his dad is still driving around Khartoum looking for him n everybody is depressed.

Kizzie to her sister:- God, they should stop this crap...the guy is not dead yet!
My aunt:- well if he was dead, it was going to be way better..at least they know he is dead! Now, we don't know if he is dead or alive.

I walked over to his mother and told her *He is going to come back * and asked for his picture. She went inside and came back with a passport picture. He looked my age.
When she asked me how old I am, I found out he is my age.

July 2005:-
It's been two years.

God, please make him come back. We could've started university together. We could've been really good friends. I don't' know. I don't know. I just wish I had the chance to get to know him better.

Relative:- so ..did A' Son come back yet?
Kizzie:- No, it's been two years. Everybody looked for him. My cousins drove around Khartoum looking for him. We did everything.
Relative:- I don't think he is still in Sudan...I'm sure they trained him in Sudan but he is abroad now
Kizzie:- what? where did he travel? what training? khalto S. what are you talking about?


To be continued

ps:- Thanks for inspiring me SudanReturnee:)