Let's talk about Sandra.....

Beginning of the fall semester, yuppy!
I'm a junior now and although I was a freshman a few semesters ago, the first though that came to mind when I saw them today was "kids!". They are! Every semester, they keep getting younger,skinnier and shorter. Not to mention posher! Half of them were wearing designer jeans, skimpy tops and gucci/prada/louis vuitton bags.
Anyways, I was standing there talking to some friend when a noticed a familiar face. She was tall, slim and had the most-beautiful skin ever. I've met her last June during the world refugee day even held at university. Her name is Sandra and she is from South Sudan.

I walked up to her and started talking. She was shy, insecure and I could tell that she felt out of place. Mabye she was intimidated because she didn't know anyone or mabye she was worried she is not going to get the scholarship.
Not only is she extremely beautiful, she is also intelligent and will make all South Sudanese proud.
She is going to be something one day!
I hope she gets the scholarship.
Pray 4 her

Sudan returnee:- eh ra2yak fel 3roos di? she is really cute, I can hook u up!

Bob Marley told us to liberate Zimbabwe....Did we?

Let's face it
Our grandparents generation and our parents generation screwed up Africa...big time!
Just because I'm Sudanese doesn't mean that I care less about the sufferring in other African countries.

Recently, I've been asking myself- What is going on in Zimbabwe (Southern Africa's former Bread-Basket)?

when inflation is 400%
When life expectancy drops from 60 to 30 in just 15 years
When about half a million of a population of 13 million is homeless
When 20% of adults are HIV positive
When teachers can't afford the bus fare, they stop going to schools
When a bunch of people are forced to leave their homeland because of the color of their skin
When bread is a luxury
When human rights abuses are so bad, the country is facing severe international isolation
When a leader is immortal
When 25% of primary-school children drop-out of school in just 3 years
When educated women are forced to work as prostituties in neighbouring South Africa

Are we waiting for England to take action? Are Africans really uncapable of solving any problem at all?

Parts of Kizzie's diary: Where are you dear cousins? Chapter 2

Aunt:- I heard from some people that there are still training camps in Sudan, they brainwash young men before recruiting them, they tell them to leave their families and homes n join the jihad(holy war)
Kizzie:- what? This is horrible! I thought we are out of the terrorism thing
Aunt:- no, it makes sense...it's a very logical explanation, he is not the only one 7abebti, many young man dissapeared around the same time.

I left feeling even more confused. It made sense but how could they do that?

May 2006
I came back from university and my mother is crying.
My first reaction is :- Who died?
Mother:- s's son is gone. He left 3 days ago and they can't find him anywhere
Kizzie:- mother, he is probably at a friends house. He is not gone forever ya3ni!
Mother:- No, just like A's son...they keep dissapearing
Kizzie:- oh
A's son left 4 years ago and never came back.

This cousin of mine was actually my mother's 1st cousin(his father and her mother were siblings) but because my grandmother was old and she was married quite young, my mother's cousins are my age, a bit older or even younger.
He was 19, a university sophomore and very reserved.
Unlike my other cousins, he usually didn't come to our(my other cousin is a singer so we had many parties!) and I didn't see him much to be honest. I think he liked isolating himself!

About a year ago, he became a bit too religious( there is nothing wrong with being religious!) but when he started putting rules and forcing his sisters to abide by them, it started getting out of control.
The rules included:-
1-No TV
2-Arguing with them about the way they dress etc...
The mosque became the place where he spent most of his time and not only that, he also started isolating himself from other people.

What did his family do about it?
You are probably thinking "his dad should've noticed and did something about it". He only hectored him about the way he started treating his sisters and told him to mind his own business but nobody took some serious action.
Why is he spending so much time at some places?
Why did he change?
What's wrong with him?

His mother died of cancer when he was about 12 and his father was getting married a few weeks after he disappeared. Mabye he felt distanced from the rest of his family, mabye he missed his mother because she was the only person who listened to him, mabye he was just frustrated with life and felt that even if he graduated- not only graduates in Sudan find jobs.

I'm a bit uncomfortable using the term disappeared with this cousin because he just walked out completely aware of what he is getting himself into. He was brainwashed ,lectured and prepared for this day, the day he left.

I'm not going to blame him because it's not his fault. He was probably too galluable or just happy he found a bunch of people who supposedly cared about him and listened to his frustrations.
Why couldn't he be close to other cousins or family members?
How come we didn't noticethat he alienated himself before it was too late?

Alot of questions, almost no answers.

I'm just really angry because he had a long life ahead of him, his creativity and his contribution to his country , to his family and to the entire world is lost and his family can'tforget him but they also can't forgive him.
I'm angry because young men like my cousin where easy targets. They were deceived . Their life isn't worth anything to the people who talked them into being martyrs.
Is this what god wanted him to do? - Leave his family and runaway to a world full of hatred and criminal activity.
He is gone and I personally don't believe he is ever going back.
It was shocking in the begining then it was sad, now, he is only a memory.
He could be dead or planning the death of someone.
He could be sitting somewhere in this world regretting his decision or he could be happy because he thinks he is doing the right thing.

I don't know.
I don't think I want to know.


Where are you dear cousins? Afghanistan? Sudan?Iraq?Pakistan?Egypt?

Parts of Kizzie's diary:- Where are you dear cousins?

July 2003-

3 days after my uncle's wedding.

We ae still celebrating and I still didn't wear half of the dresses I purchased for this wedding.

My mother walks in, she looks concerned and exhausted.

Mother:- He is gone, her son just disappeared. They can't find him anywhere.
Kizzie:- Who are you talking about? Who disappeared?
Mother:- you know my mother's cousin called today and she said her son just walked out and didn't come back...it's been 2 days. You know her..Her name is A, she is B's sister.
Kizzie:- ok...calm down..did I ever meet him? god mother! your family is sooo large, I have like 1 trillion cousins.
Mother:- They said they looked for him everywhere, his dad is still looking but they can't find him....dress up, we are going to her place right now
Kizzie:- mother, they just can't look for him everywhere, they should tell the police..I know they are useless but you never know. Did they contact his friends?
Mother:- they did, I have a feeling there is a story behind this....dress up..

We visit his family... his mother looks 60(she was in her early 40's) and his dad is still driving around Khartoum looking for him n everybody is depressed.

Kizzie to her sister:- God, they should stop this crap...the guy is not dead yet!
My aunt:- well if he was dead, it was going to be way better..at least they know he is dead! Now, we don't know if he is dead or alive.

I walked over to his mother and told her *He is going to come back * and asked for his picture. She went inside and came back with a passport picture. He looked my age.
When she asked me how old I am, I found out he is my age.

July 2005:-
It's been two years.

God, please make him come back. We could've started university together. We could've been really good friends. I don't' know. I don't know. I just wish I had the chance to get to know him better.

Relative:- so ..did A' Son come back yet?
Kizzie:- No, it's been two years. Everybody looked for him. My cousins drove around Khartoum looking for him. We did everything.
Relative:- I don't think he is still in Sudan...I'm sure they trained him in Sudan but he is abroad now
Kizzie:- what? where did he travel? what training? khalto S. what are you talking about?


To be continued

ps:- Thanks for inspiring me SudanReturnee:)

Get-together with the hommies

God bless him!

I really like this picture!

The Sudan went through alot in the last couple of years and seriously,....our president really needed a break!

He just needed this nice little get-together party with the hommiez!(or whatever)

When most of your people are living in miserable conditions....you must be really strong to be able to put a smile on your face.

PS:- Thanks for the amazing picture Dana at http://daana-lost-in-translation.blogspot.com/

Darfurian Diaries: About the janjweed.

Musa Hilal

Are the janjaweed simply devils-on-horseback?
So janjaweed means devil-on-horseback but it’s usually used to refer to Darfurian Arabs.
Not all Arabs in Darfur are janjaweed. According to an aid worker in Darfur, some Darfurian Arabs are aid workers.(SIS)

Note:- please keep in mind that Musa Hilal doesn't like the term "Janjaweed. He believes it should only be used to refer to thugs and theifs in Chad.

Musa Hilal
He is one of the leaders of the racist and criminal organization called the Arab gathering and leaders of the Janjaweed. Musa Hilal is from the Um Jalul tribe, a branch of the Rizeigat Arabs.
Hilal is not only the leader of the Janjaweed; he is also the first name on the US state of department’s list of suspected genocidal criminals. A disgrace to the Sudan and to humanity in general.
The mastermind behind Darfur’s atrocities

"In 1997, Hilal was jailed for killing 17 Africans in Darfur, according to the inquiry. Years earlier, he had also been imprisoned for killing a security guard and robbing a bank in Nyala, a city in southern Darfur. " (Wax)

He was set free after that only to be jailed again for other crimes against humanity. After the government he is the perfect man to help them fight the rebels. They let him go(the vice president himself intervened to do so). He was set free to kill more people.

Come fight with me” Musa Hilal to the Arabs

On the 27th of February 2004, the town of Tawila was attacked.
75 murders and 100 women rapped and gang-rapped later, it ended.
Sitting comfortably in his Land Cruiser and keeping himself busy with word games and fun stuff, Hilal witnessed the 3 days long attack and gave instructions to his men to burn the village and leave no infrastructure.
When questioned about this attack, Hilal denied it although there are many witnesses.

“A retired teacher, hid in the bushes when the attack began and took notes, feeling it was his duty as an educated man to record what was happening”(Alex De Waal)
The teacher confirmed that Hilal was there and he was in charge but Hilal’s confession was more credible to officials.

Is Musa Hilal the real criminal here?
“I answered my government’s appeal and called my people to arms” Musa Hilal.
If you read my biography to the right-hand side, you will notice that it’s titled “our government thinks we are the enemy”.
Recently, I've started to believe that our government wants us dead. Over a million died in the South and now over 200,00 died in Darfur. Who is next? Me? You? My whole tribe?
I don’t see why we should blame a man like Musa Hilal.
Is he responsible for the security of the civilians in Darfur or the Sudan? It’s debatable.
His only crime is obeying OUR governments order. He is just doing what he is asked to do.

“I have orders from the government. All our orders come from the government. We are here so no one can point a finger at the government” A general in military intelligence.

If our government wants some of us dead then all they have to do is find people who are willing to do so. The janjaweed are like our governments version of a ""Hitman ".

Who should the international court of justice prosecute first? Musa Hilal or Omar Al Bashir?

Jihad in Darfur

“Drought and destitution embittered the Darfur Arabs…they were ripe for picking by the government” (Alex De Waal)
As rebel movements started forming (SLA), Musa Hilal was busy recruiting men from Chad and arming himself for his “Jihad”.
In October 2002, A Fur village was attacked. Women were rapped. Many were killed and many were abducted.
Similar attacks were launched after that. Villages were burnt and the displacement of the 1.5 million started. Darfur began to unfold at an alarming rate.

Rwanda in 1994 in Darfur in 2004.

“Blacks always support the rebels” Musa Hilal.

This reminds me of radio stations in Rwanda during the 1994 genocide. They encouraged the population to become a criminal population.
Hutu teachers were asked to kill their Tutsi students. Hutu men were forced to kill their Tutsi wives and children.
If your neighbours were Tutsi then you better kill them or else, you are a tratitor...a disgrace to the entire Hutu population.

Alex De Waal's ,Darfur: A Short History of a Long War

Sleepless in Sudan blog

Emily Wax, The Washington Post

A House is not always a home

In late 2001, I was waiting right outside Khartoum International airport with at least 50 family members for a man who was forced to leave Sudan 11 years earlier because he had opinions and he refused to conform. I was waiting for my father.

He is your typical educated ,intellectual and politically-involved Sudanese nationalist who is also one of my favorite authors. At the age of 30, the government decided that he must retire. He went with my mother to England. He wanted to live there temporarily but my mother wanted to stay there and raise her daughters away from political problems and African dictatorships.

He was like Anwar from Leila Aboulela's novel, Minaret. A young figure in the opposition who would've never even considered living in the West but found himself there.

Many of his friends were already there, doing their PHD's and applying for political asylum.
Not long after moving to London, they returned home.
The transitional-government took over and my father was optimistic once again. He went back to work.

Years passed and the national salvation government took over.
New government,New problems.

In Sudan, people always hope this new government is better than the one before it. This government was suppose to end the war with the South , they made it worse. Since the beginning, their "we eat what we grow" ideology caused more poverty and more hunger. They wanted to cripple the civil society but they couldn't get rid of all the opposition groups.
This man spoke up only to lose his job.
Two daughters and an unemployed husband, my mother was even more eager to leave the country. We stayed there for a while and finally, we left.
It was hard but there was no other way out. This man couldn't find a job anywhere but then one of his good friends offered him a job. He travelled there only to be told to leave immediately. They were looking for him and his friend. There is nothing worse than feeling unwanted in your own country.
We started our journey abroad and my father was lucky when it came to jobs. He did well and I was always pivileged.
Most of his friends who left with him did well too. Professors in the United States. Doctors in England and Saudi Arabia. Writers.Scientists.
Although most if not all the Sudanese in the diaspora contribute to the economy
through remittances sent to families or friends, Doesn't Sudan really need their skills more than their money?

I was thinking about the skilled diaspora a few days ago. My father. His friends. The educated individuals who were forced to leave.
Do you think that the university of Khartoum deserves better Sudanese professors?
If professors in the US,Europe or the Gulf came back and taught at U of K, it would be better.
Since the government of Sudan doesn't appreciate any skills, talents or intelligence, people are tempted to leave. Many musicians,painters and writers work abroad because the government doesn't appreciate any form of art.

Why was my father forced to live nearly 20 years of his life abroad? He would've contributed allot to his country.
Why is Rasha, a very talented Sudanese singer forced to live in Spain?